Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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