why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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