Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
