I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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