you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
