i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
