don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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