i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
