I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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