matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
