New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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