ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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