Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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