i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
