Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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