guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
