The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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