I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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