Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
