The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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