Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
