Pants 0. Shit 1.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
