I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
