do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
