My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
