DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
