I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I did not marry a roomba.
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