someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
