i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
