Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
