Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize