I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
