Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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