I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
