I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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