Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
