Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
