Whats the glycemic index on semen?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You're like the curious george of whores
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
