Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
