ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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