I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
