Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
