I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
