Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
