I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
