She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
