How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
