i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
