She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
