awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
