I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
