I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
