i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
