so that wasnt chicken after all
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
