Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
