when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I seem to have left my pride at pride
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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