last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
