there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The best revenge is premature balding
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
