Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
