She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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