I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize