I wannas sexs uuuuu
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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