He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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