I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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