my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
