i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
