see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
