shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
