That's intense
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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