I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I love you.
Bad choice
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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