im six kinds of drunk right now
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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