i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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