Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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