Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
